Darkness and Hope, Ashes and Beauty

My life took a turn for the worst when I was eighteen-years old. I got involved with the wrong people and allowed myself to acquire a mindset that only belittled me as a person and a Christian. Bit by bit, I felt as if my heart and values were falling apart, till all that was left was bitterness and shame; darkness and ashes. The funny thing about these periods of darkness is that they come in the worst times apparently. It reminds me of a passage that C.S. Lewis wrote in his book, A Grief Observed. In where he speaks about the times when God is knocking at our door, but it is almost an interruption to our lives, but when we need Him, He seems to not be around. When I look back at my time of darkness, now I see that the timing was perfect because I was surrounded by support in order to heal and learn. It was a test of my own strength and hope. As Paul Corrigan says in his essay Darkness, Questions, Poetry and Spiritual Hope, “Facing darkness, ultimately, however, is not about darkness but about hope, about validating our spiritual hope.” Although my darkness was exposed to everyone, the validity of my hope eventually shined brighter than my past mistakes. Fighting against the pessimistic prophesies and opinions about oneself is half the battle. Finding hope and beauty in darkness and ashes is victory attained. No matter what, every person will face these moments. It is not something we can choose where, when, and how to happen. This is why choosing to find the positive outcomes of every situation should not be underestimated. It is the mindset that allows life and growth to come forth from our hardships.

Mary Oliver wrote about a dream she had where a person handed her a box full of darkness, but it was the greatest gift she had received. Could it be because darkness reminds us of the hope that we are so desperately in need of? Paul Corrigan referred to the Psalm that says, “As we walk through the valley of the shadow…” Even men and women throughout the Scriptures express their personal experience of darkness and the questions that it stirs up. The same psalmist that wrote about the valley of the shadow said, “I shall not fear, for You are with me.” Darkness brings us back to our source of hope. It is the same with faith. Without previous doubts, is there really any power in what made us believe? And anything that can turn ashes into beauty is worthy of praise. In these things, lie the power of our testimonies.